Relationships and High Self-Esteem
Its 11pm and I just had a wave emotion run through me that made me want to share some amazing techniques on increasing ones self-esteem. Now I’m sure your wondering why I think I’m authorized to write such an article, well technically speaking I’m not! I’m not a psychiatrist, psychotherapist or life coach. But am a person who has to fight against having feelings of low self-esteem. I make people feel good for a living, and putting aside the physical aspect to my work, there is an emotional side to what I do. The bottom line is, I LOVE making people feel good. I love giving people value. I’ve been through horrendous experiences in my life and I’d like to think that somehow somewhere I can touch a persons heart by sharing what I’ve learned.
Why is having high self-esteem so important when it comes to relationships? Why is choosing good friends so difficult? How am I always involved with people who rarely respect me and my boundaries? Why does drama seem to follow me everywhere I go? Why and how did I allow him to mislead me? How could I have let her take advantage of me? Why am I having so much trouble finding someone to love me the way I need to be loved? Why is it that I have all the friends in the world and yet I’m unhappy with myself? What can I do to become a better, more emotionally stable person?
Questions like these plague people like us on a daily basis. Until humans are perfect we will never have ALL the answers, however building our self-esteem will definitely contribute to a better and more stress free life.
Id like to mention one of my favorite books by my favorite author David J. Lieberman Ph.D. He writes in his book Find Out Who’s Normal and Who’s Not that in us all there exists three inner forces :the body, the ego, and the soul. These are always fighting against each other. Basically The body wants to do what FEELS good, the ego wants to do what LOOKS good and the soul wants to do what IS GOOD. Things that feel good like overeating and over drinking and oversleeping or overindulging in any physical thing satisfies the body. Satisfying the ego can range from things like putting people down to raise us up or buying a flashy car that we really cant afford. Notice the choices are not based on WHAT IS good, but more what looks and feels good. Our soul usually loses because sadly its easier to give in to what looks or feels good.
A woman might fall in love with a man who is good-looking and charming and funny and popular and strong and mysterious but has NO idea how to love her properly. She will accept the lack of love and the sad reality that she can and most likely will be replaced at the drop of a hat in order to be surrounded temporarily by a “higher class of people”. At the end of the day, she’s miserable, lonely, lost and worst of all scared. In my experience, a person who practices high self-esteem would pass on all those “perks” and follow what her soul would tell her to do, walk away.
Anytime you surround yourself with people you think are popular, cool, good-looking, smart, wealthy or influential you may realize you are dwindling as a person. You never completely feel safe around these people. You act in ways that you think they want you to act instead of being true to yourself. This lowers self-esteem.
If you want to increase your self-esteem you have to start making decisions based on what IS RIGHT, not on what looks good or feels good. Every time you make a decision that IS RIGHT, you add more weight to your self-esteem bag. You don’t necessarily notice it right away, but after a few months you can look back and see the fruits of your good decisions. That builds self-esteem and whether you realize it or not, you are becoming a better person.
When you start to develop the emotional strength to say, “goodbye” to popular friends that judge others or talk people behind their backs, you are building self-esteem. When you painfully end a relationship that constantly leaves you empty, you build your self-esteem. Its simple… If you want high self-esteem then start making choices that aren’t always the ones that feel the best or look the best but ARE the best. If you are content with having low self-esteem then by all means continue doing what feels good and looks good.
The day you chose to hang around people who truly like who you are and except you for who and what you are is the day your self-esteem rises. The next time you welcome a sincere person into your life who isn’t the most handsome or popular is the next time your self esteem rises. The next time you say, “NO” to the sexy playboy model or the handsome race-car driver in order to be with a person who values your values is the next time your self esteem rises.
You’ll find that the more you surround yourself with people who accept you as you are and have no expectations of you but to be a loyal friend, little by little your self-esteem will rise and oddly enough all those so called “popular” people you walked away from… They will gravitate toward you. And if they don’t, you wont even care anyway because you will be SO content with yourself that you wont need them anyway.
having high self-esteem comes out of a person without them even having to speak! It changes the looks on our faces, the way we walk, the way we dress, the way we smile and even the way we eat! And when we are talking, the things we say will impress on others in a positive way. When a girl has high self-esteem she has confidence in how she smiles at an attractive man who treats her with respect and does not feel scared or intimidated.
A smile… Isn’t it amazing how a small group of muscles in the lower half of our beautiful faces can make literally everyone who passes by you feel at ease?
I love you all. Peace up and peace out!